Day 42 March 26, 2012

I've found recently that my attitude towards the future could use a little adjusting. I have been told numerous times that I am pessimistic. I thought of it more as realism than pessimism, but I get what they were saying. I can be very pessimistic. For once, I want to be optimistic. I want to look forward to what the future holds, and not because of someone else, but because I am happy being alone. I want to see the good in everything. I want to have goals I can try to reach. Mainly, I just want to be able to anticipate something good about the future. I can do anything I set my mind to, can't I? But the pessimist in me says "well yeah, but you have to have plenty of money for that." Why can't I just think good thoughts without a bad one ruining it? If I think happy I can be happy, but those unhappy thoughts are always there. I don't know maybe my brain won't let me be happy. Everything I think is laced with negative thoughts. How do I get this problem under control I wonder? Things are good in my life for the most part, so why can't I just think happy thoughts? I guess I will have to ask Stephanie at out next visit. Mommy&B