Day 16 February 29th, 2012

First of all, Happy Leap Day! woohoo...now enough of that. OK so... I went to see Stephanie and I learned a couple of things as usual. First and foremost I learned that no one can have an honestly successful healthy relationship until both people in that relationship are healthy and I am not, but that's OK it's just not my time yet. I don't love myself and I can't love someone else in a healthy way until I love myself. So now I have to find a way to love myself. This is going to be hard. I figure my family loves me because they are family, but no one else seems to be able to. I don't know I get my ex-boyfriends telling me quite often that they love me and want me back but given the chance I bet they wouldn't for long! They don't matter anyway; they are my past and I don't want to go back there. No, I need to love myself. But I don't know if I can. I have to tell myself these certain things everyday like, "I am not crazy." and "I am beautiful inside and out." But I don't know if that will work. I can tell myself anything like the sky is pink, but it doesn't make it true. We will see if it helps or not soon enough I suppose. It is a good thing I'm moving, too, because I have to stay away from people who make me sad or think about things I shouldn't have to think about and living three doors down from my ex-boyfriend that I still miss everyday and seeing him just kills me. This move will help me out a lot. No one ever told me this year was going to be easy. I wish it could be, but if it was I probably won't be the way I am today. I wouldn't have this blog, either. I'm sure things will get better with time. I will try my hardest. Mommy&B