Day 34 March 18, 2012

Some of you by now may know that I had for a long time felt somewhat like the "black sheep" of the family. I am learning though through therapy and actions of others that I am not as big of a disappointment as I thought I was. I have realized that my screw-ups in life haven't been as bad as others'. I can still be proud of myself for that at least. Don't get me wrong all my siblings have done stupid things. Bobi would jump off a bridge that nearly killed a person and drive her car across the lake or drive 20 miles to a bar and grill for, what was it cheese balls? That was while she was skipping class. Chanse had a tendency to get in trouble with the law on occasion. He used to think he could outrun the cops and succeeded maybe at least once, but not every time. Lara just had a terrible taste for boyfriends for a while, and so did I. We all had our little "problem areas", but that's just teenager stuff. Mom was lucky to have us, and my parents can honestly say they are lucky to have me, I think. So could any guy. I'm not saying at all that I am better than anyone else, but I can say I try not to make stupid life-threatening mistakes that could ruin my life or the lives of others. Sometimes I pity the parents of some kids. Does that sound like I'm a terrible person? That is not what I intended on sounding like. I'm just trying to make my point. I am not as bad a daughter as I thought I was. Some experiences can give you a new perspective of things. I am praying now for the people who have lost their way. I am also praying for the parents of those people, because I can't imagine how hard it would be to see your child lose their way. I hope I never have to experience that. Yes, I have lost my way a couple of times, but I found my way back. I didn't screw up too terribly bad, I must say. I may have made some choices in life that were disappointing at the time, but all in all, no one can complain. The actions I have taken in my past have lead me to where I am today, and I am truly happy for that. Even if my family wasn't happy with me, there is nothing they could do to change the past. It is over and all I can do is change my future. I have chosen to become the best I can be, one step at a time. I hope that everyone who has lost their way chooses to get back on the right track and be the happiest they can be. I hope that the parents of those people can be as big a support to them as my family are. Mommy&B