Day 6 February 19, 2012

THE BIG DAY!

This was it! The day of Bentley's very first birthday party was finally here! Just for your information, since I have so many photos I want to share with you, I will be doing two posts today about his birthday party.

Bentley had almost all of his favorite people in attendance. There was his Grandma Janie and Grandpa Joel, Grandpa Roger and Grandma Jo. He had his Aunt Bobi, Uncle Aaron, and cousins Andrew and Thoran. Aunt Lara and Uncle Mitch and cousin Kayden were of course there (it was held at their house). He also got to see Dr. Wray, Becky and their kids, too. Bentley is no doubt loved by many people. I was very sorry to hear that his Great Grandma Marlene couldn't come because she had fallen and broken her ankle and I hope she starts feeling better very soon. Uncle Chanse, Aunt Samantha and his cousins Haley, Kinsey, and Laney also couldn't make it, but the party went on and we had a great time!

Bentley got lots of presents! I think listing them all would take forever and be pretty boring to you readers, so I found some of the best photos that Aunt Lara took and decided to share them with you.

I want to give a very special thanks to everyone who came and shared Bentley's big day with him and everyone who gave him presents, I appreciate everything that everyone does and has done for both of us and WE LOVE YOU!!

Mommy&B

Day 5 February 18, 2012

Cake decorating completely consumed the day today. It is literally ALL we did. I swear it will be a long time before I help do that again! We made a 2 tier square cake that was cow print on the bottom and red bandana on the top. Then we made a small circle cow print cake for Bentley to eat. First we had to bake the cakes, which took all afternoon on Friday and then we had to make butter cream and crumb coat all the cakes. After they were cooled, we made fondant which is extremely difficult to knead and roll into a thin sheet. After the fondant was on came the most unbearable part; decorating the bandana tier. Tiny little paisleys everywhere with squiggly lines and little holes...oh it was crazy. The cow print part was really cool though because it was easy and looked so awesome. The finished product was great. I was really impressed with Becky's handy work and I couldn't have asked for a better first birthday cake for Bentley. Despite all the complaining it seems I just did, I had a blast spending the day with the Wrays decorating that cake. It will always be a great memory

Mommy&B

Day 4 February 17, 2012

Today Bentley and I went out to eat at a local deli called Tune Time Deli here in Kinsley. He had a great time there. The owner is a big people person. She is very nice and is always good to her customers. She gave Bentley a free balloon and he loved it. He played with it all day. We went out to my bosses' house afterward to start on Bentley's birthday cake for the big party on Sunday. I still can't believe he is already a year old! I am so excited for this. His party is little cowboy themed. It is going to have cow print balloons, table covers, napkins, and even cake! We have been planning it for over a month I think. There will be more on his party and the birthday cake later, but I want to talk a little bit about my bosses, the Wrays. They have taken me in and welcomed me into their house on multiple occasions. It is like I am part of their family. It is so nice to have that kind of relationship with your employers. I am so lucky to have the job I have. I am always happy to go to work and happy to see them. I can always talk to Becky about almost anything and that has always really helped me. I had no idea when I applied for this job how great of a relationship I would have with them. I need to get into the habit of appreciating the good things I have in my life instead of being negative about the bad things. I really do have a lot of good things in my life if I really stop to think about it, and from now on that's all I'm going to focus on.

Mommy&B

I thought I'd let you take a look at Bentley and my weekday morning routine. It starts off at 6:30, sometimes 6:45 if I don't feel like getting out of bed. While I'm getting ready for work, Bentley is usually looking a little something like the picture at top left. Then when I am ready to go, I wake B up and get him ready for the babysitter. Then at 7:30 you can usually spot my duct-taped car on Hwy 50 headed east. We always look a little something like the picture at top right. You may be wondering why I have such a pissed-off look, and I get that all the time. My mom says that everyone in Mankato says I look pissed off when I drive by. I don't know why this is just the permanent look on my face when I'm driving...unless I'm singing along with the radio. Bentley is almost always happy though in the morning and sometimes he dances along with the radio while I sing. It's pretty cute. Well that is a little sneak-peek into our mornings; it's not much but I thought it'd be fun to share. Mommy&B

Day 3 February 16, 2012

HOME They say home is where the heart is. Well I'm not so sure about that. I think right now my heart would rather be three doors down. In fact, there are plenty of places my heart would rather be. A couple days ago, I would have taken Bentley and all my possessions and moved where ever anyone would take me just so we weren't alone. This is definitely something I need to work on. I'm NOT alone. I have Bentley and where we are now IS our home. I've been here in my house for almost three months, but I never really got the chance to make it a home. I didn't give myself the chance. When we moved in I was getting to know this amazing guy. He turned out to be everything I ever wanted in a man and more. It didn't take long at all for me to fall for him, but falling is what I do best I hear. So I always had him with me at my house or even more often we were at his...three doors down. Our relationship was by far the shortest I'd ever had, but at the same time it was the most important I've ever had. Now that we aren't together anymore I've been trying to turn my house into a home, but when you are so sad it's hard to do anything. I'm getting better though. I'm getting there. I've done projects, hung my photos and art, and rearranged furniture. One day at a time our house is becoming a home. That's what Bentley needs most, not some shell of a mother who can't get off the couch. I am going to create an amazing environment of awesomeness as my new "friend", Steph says. And someday, I will be so glad I started this incredible year. I will be able to tell Bentley about it, and he will be glad, too.

Mommy&B

I hope this video turns out. It was so cute I had to share. This is right after he was done eating and he was playing with his bottle and kept dropping it. I refused to keep picking up his bottle so this is what he decided to do. Mommy&B

Day 2 February 15, 2012

Bentley and I took a trip to the library today. It was his first time in a library. I've been trying to find things to do to occupy our time. I hate just sitting around even though Bentley can find entertainment playing with just about anything. Since I'm new to this town and don't really have an abundance of friends just dying to hang out with me, I've found it difficult to keep myself entertained.

A lot of our trip to the library was for me. I get lonely and bored very easily. There is no cable or Internet at my house because I can't afford the extra bills so I have to find free entertainment to keep me occupied otherwise I am in bed by 8:00 when Bentley goes to sleep!

So I applied for a library card and checked out a James Patterson book. Right now it is imperative that I stay away from love or romance stories. They make me sad. :(

But Bentley liked the library. He was a mess, though. I had to follow him around cleaning up the debris in his wake. At this library, they have a kids' room complete with a reading tent! Bentley thought that was pretty cool, but I had to wonder when the last time the cushions had been washed was. He is pictured above sitting in the tent.

I plan to spend a good amount of time here over the next year. I think it's time I spend my free time doing things that are beneficial to me, not harmful. I think I need to get Bentley a leash, though!

Mommy&B

I LOVE taking photos of my son. Sometimes it is so easy to get good shots, and other times it is very difficult, especially in this cold weather. I don't get very good lighting in my house. :( These are a couple photos from about a month ago.

Bentley had just gotten his first haircut. He was looking so much older! I was sad when all his little baby hair had to go, but it started to look like a mullet so it was time. In these pictures he is wearing his new jeans from his Uncle Chanse and Aunt Samantha. He learned to walk at 10 months old. He learned so quickly. He is playing in front of our house, or I should say half-house (it's a very small duplex). I wish he could play outside all year round without freezing his little baby butt off so I could take pictures of him everyday.

I love Bentley's simplicity. I love his ability to find entertainment in nothing at all. That is one of the many reasons I love being Mommy.

Mommy&B

When did I start to think that Valentine's Day was evil? I used to love this day. I guess it was when I started feeling as if I needed a man to validate my life. It's funny, this year I got more stuff from more people than I ever did, and I am single! I was so shocked at all that I got. I got an arrangement from Bentley (actually from Becky, my boss), I got a pink rose from my other boss, Doc, and I got a big beautiful bouquet from my step-dad, Joel! I also got three balloons, chocolates and a card also. I made out like a bandit!

I put photos of my loot on facebook and it was funny what one of my friends said to me. She said "In the future you should SHUT YOUR FACE about that nobody loves me CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And you know what? She was right. I take my peers for granted. There are LOTS of people who love me and will go out of their way to put a smile on my face! I really couldn't ask for more.

From now on, I am going to remind myself every day of all the people who love me and support me. I will keep these positive people in my life, and throw away the negative. And if there is anyone out there who thinks I take you for granted, I'm sorry, but CHANGE is in the air.

Mommy&B

Day 1 February 14, 2012

I need to touch base on a big part of the inception of this blog. Since I was 13 years old I've been "in love" with a boy. For some reason I adopted this notion in my head that I am no one without a guy in my life.

When one boyfriend got tired of it I would move on to the next as fast as I could. I would fall so fast and so deep. When these relationships ended I was devastated. It was as if my life was ending and to a point it would as I knew it. I would invest all my time in these boys.

It's taken me this long to learn that I don't even know who I am . How is a man supposed to love me for everything I am when I don't even know what or who I am? If I don't myself? I have no idea. I know now that I have to learn to be independent and love myself and my life before I can live happily ever after.

This is my attempt at a year of independence, a year of being the best mom I can be, a year devoted to no man but Bentley. You, as my readers will act as my support system in a way. I can't give up and let you down, even if I have only one follower (I know my mom will be a devoted fan).

I hope you enjoy my blog and my 365 days of adventure to find the new me. :)

Mommy&B

Bentley just had his first birthday. February 13th, 2012. I remember how excited I was to hold him. My water broke on February 12th close to midnight. Bentley's father, Sean and I were watching Paranormal Activity II when it broke. I firmly believe that it broke when all those cabinets opened up at once!

I was so anxious. I was excited and scared at the same time. I couldn't believe it was finally time. My sister-in-law, Samantha, stayed with me the entire time. She was a life-saver because Sean didn't really have a clue what he was supposed to be doing. We never got that far in our prenatal classes. Bentley was a week ahead of schedule.

I had my heart set on a vaginal birth. Plenty of women fantasize about this incredible day, but sometimes things don't go as planned. Bentley was fine, this was all me and it killed me. I had to have a C-Section and following the delivery of that news I had to also have a full blown attack of emotions while in labor. I couldn't stop crying which made everything hurt SO much more. Even after the epidural I still cried.

No one really ever realizes that when you have your heart set on a certain birth plan and it doesn't go that way it is like a princess getting married at the courthouse. And let me tell you, it hurts. And no one says it's OK to be sad. But he was here, he changed my life with his first breath. He is the most important person in my life.

Now a year later I'm ashamed to say that sometimes I lose sight of that fact. That is the reason for this blog. Bentley is the center of my world now and forever. This is all for him.

Mommy&B