Day 15 February 28, 2012

My baby boy is sick. :( He has been running a fever that has gotten as high as 101.5 and now he has to take some antibiotics. He is just the sweetest little boy, so cute and lovable! Bentley doesn't even let on that he is sick though. It's funny because he acts like he has just as much energy as he always does running around and climbing on things with the biggest smile on his little face. You can tell, though, in his eyes that he doesn't feel good. He has been coughing and his nose gets so packed with gunk. The poor thing. He's a trooper though, always has been. I am so lucky to be able to call him my son. I love my Bentley SO MUCH. I hope he gets better soon. Mommy&B

Thought I'd share this photo I took of the sky on HWY 56 towards Garfield.

Mommy&B

Bentley's Idea of Fun w/ Sparring Gloves

I know I have been lagging with the photos of Bentley lately, but today he has a fever (though you wouldn't be able to tell he is sick) so he is here at the office with me and I caught some photos of him playing with the new sparring gloves that just came in. I hit them a couple times and so he started to hit them, too. Then he thought he would try to get both hands and both feet on one glove and that didn't work too well! Hope you enjoy these.

Mommy&B

Day 14 February 27, 2012

Negative People Are Poison Do you readers have any people in your life who just love to bring you down, or make you mad or upset, or in any way have a negative effect on your mood or your well-being? I know I do. Why are people like that? All I can come up with is that they aren't content with their own lives so they don't want anyone else to be. I don't know, but it's something that I don't want to deal with anymore. All negative people in your life do is cause you to have bad emotions and bring you down. My friend, Stephanie, says that I should surround myself with positive people who make me feel good about myself and don't hold me back from being the best I can be. Have you ever been really proud of an accomplishment or something you have improved on? Did you tell people about it? In turn did your friend or whomever praise you or did they criticize you? The latter happened to me just last night and it wasn't the first time. I've been boxing and getting pretty good and I shared that with a friend and in return I got a negative comment. This friend just can't believe I can throw a good punch or be good at all at boxing. Now if you've been reading every post you'd know that I've been trying new things and I'm very happy with my progress, and when people put me down it upsets me. I'm trying to be my best self! I'd have never known what I was capable of if I was still on the same path I was a month ago, and I'm so happy that I am learning new things! But for anyone to bring me down for trying is so frustrating! At this point in my life I will not associate with anyone who has a negative effect on my happiness. The only people I want in my life are ones who are going to encourage me to keep trying, fighting, and forging a new and better me; one that is truly the best I can be. Mommy&B

Days 12 & 13 February 25 & 26, 2012

This weekend was a blast! I spent all weekend out at the Wrays' house. We have been working on a couple of projects. First of all, we are working on getting the indoor pool running again. We sucked all the water out of it and filled it up again, we cleaned it and treated the water and now we are waiting on a new filter basket then it's all set! Bentley is going to love swimming! I can't wait to get him in the pool. He will have a lot of time in it too, because we are moving! Dr. Wray and Becky have a trailer house on their property and they were both so kind to offer to let me stay there. That was our second project of the weekend. Actually it will be a project for the next three or four weekends. Since no one has lived there in a while and they were using it for storage, we have lots of work to do. We're going to have lots of cleaning, maintenance, and moving to do. It's a great trailer! There's so much room it just blows me away. Compared to my duplex, it's a dream! I'm learning new things, too. Last weekend I learning how to ride a dirt bike, and I'm going to move up from there until I can drive a Harley!!! It turned out to be a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. Next, I will learn how to drive the BMW motorcycle, which is bigger than the dirt bike, but smaller than the Harleys. Becky, her son, Brandon, and I are going to take a motorcycle course and get our licenses in May and I am so excited! Another thing I am learning is boxing. I absolutely LOVE this, because I have anger issues and it's a great way to let my anger out, and I have a lot. This way is a lot more productive, too. It feels so empowering. I think great things are happening to me, and I can't wait to see how these next couple of months pan out. Things get better with baby steps. Now that I am focusing on myself and Bentley, life is getting better. I had no idea that I could do stuff like this: boxing and motorcycles!? I never would have given myself the credit. My life is turning around, I still have so far to go, but I can see it's going in the right direction. Mommy&B

Dancing in the Weight Room

This is of course, a video of Bentley dancing to Journey (!) while Becky and I were working out in the weight room last night.

Mommy&B

Day 11 February 24, 2012

I decided to tell you all the story of Bentley's father. Please be aware that nothing I post on this blog I write for sympathy. I don't expect sympathy from anyone. I am very happy with the way my life is when it comes to Bentley and his father's relationship. It's pretty much non-existent and I'm fine with that.

I met Bentley's father, Sean on December 18, 2009. Looking back on it now I have no idea why I was interested in him, but he was interested in me and at that time in my life I welcomed the feeling of being wanted. He asked for my number and asked if I would go back to his place, which I denied. After that I went off to Hays and he would ask me to come and hang out with him and his friends almost every weekend, so I did. It wasn't long before we were dating, despite all the negative comments about him from my friends. Like all my relationships, things got serious pretty fast and he was asking me to move in with him over the summer. I said it wouldn't be a good idea, but he insisted. So I did. Four months after we started dating I was pregnant.

Like I had predicted before things were already going downhill before we got this "wonderful" news and it didn't help any. Sean decided to move to Hays and be with me at the start of the semester, but come September he'd had enough of the crazy pregnant girl who tired to control him. He moved out and we were over. Of course, I knew he'd come back and he did in January. I was eight months pregnant. He told me he wanted to wake up with us every morning and so on. So we were back on and Bentley came in February. Sean had a job in Salina, so in April we moved down to Assaria so we could be together. We were never meant to live in the same space, though. Things got bad again and at the end of June he loaded up whatever he could fit in his crappy little truck and drove to Florida. He begged me to move down there with him, but there was no way that was happening. In September of 2011 I'd learned that he moved back and brought some girl with him that he'd met three days before he left, but that didn't bother me none. She left her son down in Florida with his father's mom. What bothered me, though, was that he didn't want me to know he was back and didn't see him for eight months. He has seen him once since June, 2011. I can't wait for the day that Bentley finally gets a real father. That day will be one of the best days of my life.

Mommy&B

Day 10 February 23, 2012

OK, this is going to be kind of a "woe is me, I'm depressed" post, but it has a purpose to it, I promise. I apologize, but this is just me.

Sometimes, when I sit on my couch at the end of the day, Bentley in bed and me not able to sleep, I am crippled by this overwhelming overall unhappiness. A sadness is buried inside of me that never really goes away, despite all my attempts to get rid of it. On nights like this one, it shows its ugly self. I feel like I'm wasting away with no one to share my life with except of course, Bentley. But it seems like there should be more to it. Who do I share my "grown-up" life with? I don't have anyone.

A couple months ago, I had all I ever wanted, but I screwed that up, too. I had never realized that I was sick until last week, so how was I to know everything would go wrong? I thought I had finally found "the one". He was everything I ever dreamed of in a man and more. Perfect for me, but like I said I'm the one that messed us up, and I will never forget it.

But I've been thinking, that maybe my total screw up was a blessing in disguise. After all, if we were still together I still wouldn't know I was sick. I guess I wasn't ready for him, or "the one", whoever he is. A year from now, I hope we can be friends and who knows maybe we can have a second chance, or maybe that's just the crazy talking. Nevertheless, I wish him the best of happiness, because after all that's happened between us I still care about him and want him to be happy. Hopefully I will be happy someday, too. I'm just not sure happiness will be making a permanent stay at my house anytime soon. I have yet to find contentment, but it's OK; I have time.

Mommy&B

Day 9 February 22, 2012

This post is going to be geared toward one of the most important people in my life other than Bentley. She has always been a huge part of my life.

To my very closest sister, Lara,

I want you to know how happy I am for you, and most importantly how proud I am of you. You have always been a shining star and someone I've always looked up to. You are the model of everything I ever hoped to be. In my eyes, you are invincible. You just never seem to be touched by all the problems I've seen. In a world that I just can't seem to figure out, you have it all together and I admire you for that. I wish I could be more like you. I've always felt like I'm living in your shadow, but I could never resent you for that. My life and the path that I forged for myself was not your fault. I should have been more like you. I will never stop loving you even though we never tell each other. Ours is a silent love, like telepathy you could call it.

Now you get to feel that love for someone else, and I promise you it will be amazing. I know there are things you aren't looking forward to, like the sickness and drawing blood and the belly and labor. Then feeding and changing and diaper bags and burp rags, but it is all worth it in the end. I remember when I was in labor and you cried when you saw me in so much pain, but it was worth it, pain and all.

I want to give you some advice. Don't focus on the negative things. Be excited! Take all your pills, even if it makes you throw up in your car, it happens to the best of us. And don't worry about people seeing you throwing up or anything like that. It doesn't matter what random people you don't even know think, and you have a pretty good excuse anyway, your modesty will fly out the window eventually.

If you start to go crazy and Mitch tells you so, don't worry, he's probably right and it is definitely OK. My friend, Steph told me so and she specializes in that stuff. When you do go into labor, people tell you to bring all this stuff to make you more comfortable, but even if you plan to use it, you probably won't so don't sweat the small stuff. Bring what you need and forget about the rest.

Milk that hospital stay for all it's worth. You will miss the nurses when you're gone! If you want, I am always here to help. Don't ever be afraid to ask anyone for help.

Last, don't ever give up your dreams. You worked too hard for them. You can do anything you set your mind to. I've always believed in you and so has the rest of our family. You are loved by many and Baby Ketterl will be, too. Keep on trudging forward and don't ever stop. Bentley and I love you and don't you ever forget it!

Love,

Kari

Mommy&B

Day 8 February 21, 2012

Bath time with Bentley

If there is one thing in Bentley's schedule that he loves, it's bath time. He is always trying to crawl into the tub. He splashes around and plays with his toys and makes waves by doing his little dance groove he does.

Almost everything Bentley does is cute, but it's like his cuteness is magnified by water! The biggest smiles grace his face in that tub. Not a lot of people are or have been able to make him smile like that, and it's sad to say some of those people aren't in his life anymore, but I'm thankful for every day that I and that tub can make him smile.

Last night I gave him a bath with balloons in the tub! They were just the regular balloons but I filled them with water and Bentley loved it! He had a pretty difficult time trying to pick them up and has yet to succeed but he had lots of fun anyway. I thought for sure the balloons would pop when he squeezed them, but they didn't. Next time, I think I will put colored water in actual water balloons and let them pop and the water spill out. Food coloring won't stain the skin or the tub and is safe. I'm very excited to do this activity and take plenty of pictures. I'm slowly learning that there are plenty of things you can do with your child to make everyday tasks or routines fun and exciting, and I'm hoping this will help me be happier with my boring life. I'm already feeling happier, but I still have a long way to go. Thank God I have Bentley to keep me company on this journey!

Mommy&B

Day 7 February 20, 2012

Let's talk about family. If any of you readers are like me, and I'm sure you are, you probably couldn't get by without your family. Am I right? Well that's my case. My family has been there for me unconditionally since that record cold night in December 1989. Believe me I have definitely made my fair share of mistakes. I've chosen the wrong path enough in my life, and since then I've only been trying to go down the right one just to learn it is still wrong, or maybe just not my time, I don't know. But every time I do, my family is always there to steer me straight again.

You can say I had a pretty average childhood. I've got my twin sister, Lara, (which I suppose having a twin isn't average, but oh well) my half-brother, Chanse, and half-sister, Bobi. We grew up together all in the same house, although we were in 1st grade when Bobi went off to college. My mom and dad are divorced, but Dad almost never missed a weekend with us. As far as I'm concerned he was a model divorced father, someone a lot of deadbeat dads should have taken notes from. When I was 8 or so, Mom got remarried to Joel. At first we were scared of him, but we grew to love and respect him. He is a great step dad and I couldn't ask for better. They all have my back. They all worry about me, too. This stage in my life has proven difficult. Sometimes I feel like a fish out of water flopping around with no idea what to do to save myself. But no matter what happens, no matter how crazy I seem to be, they will always be there. I love them all.

I guess for a while now I've been looking for someone that can love me like my family loves me; someone who sees past all my faults and craziness and only sees how passionate and loving and loyal and honest I can be. I may not see myself as perfect, but I can take pride in those things. And maybe it is more of a fault that I can feel that way towards someone. It hasn't seemed to hook me a keeper yet. I'm hoping that after this year, I will finally be able to be with my soul mate; whoever he is, the one who loves me like my family does. They will never leave me, no matter how crazy I was, no matter what stupid mistakes I make. I know I am a good person. The way I am now is not the real me, but at the end of these 366 days, I truly believe I can be a 10, or at least an 8 :) I think any guy would be lucky to have me. My family knows they are, and my soul mate will, too.

Mommy&B

Here is Bentley's cake table. It has photos of him that I took when he was almost 11 months old behind his cake.

Mommy&B

Thought I'd share this edited photo of Bentley with his yellow balloon that he got from Deb Seevers over at Tune Time Deli in Kinsley. I've learned over the weekend that he LOVES balloons!

Mommy&B

Bentley's Birthday Cake (Day 6)

I am pretty sure most children are supposed to dive into their cake headfirst and act like the cookie monster or something, but not Bentley. When I gave it to him he did grab hold of it and put little holes in the side, but after that he really just kind of picked at it. He ate some, but not a whole lot. It definitely isn't because it was no good, because come on, Becky and I made it! We have had a lot of trouble in the past getting him to eat cake. Nevertheless, it was a very good day and I am very happy with Bentley's first birthday party! I can definitely wait for the next one, though!!

Mommy&B

Day 6 February 19, 2012

THE BIG DAY!

This was it! The day of Bentley's very first birthday party was finally here! Just for your information, since I have so many photos I want to share with you, I will be doing two posts today about his birthday party.

Bentley had almost all of his favorite people in attendance. There was his Grandma Janie and Grandpa Joel, Grandpa Roger and Grandma Jo. He had his Aunt Bobi, Uncle Aaron, and cousins Andrew and Thoran. Aunt Lara and Uncle Mitch and cousin Kayden were of course there (it was held at their house). He also got to see Dr. Wray, Becky and their kids, too. Bentley is no doubt loved by many people. I was very sorry to hear that his Great Grandma Marlene couldn't come because she had fallen and broken her ankle and I hope she starts feeling better very soon. Uncle Chanse, Aunt Samantha and his cousins Haley, Kinsey, and Laney also couldn't make it, but the party went on and we had a great time!

Bentley got lots of presents! I think listing them all would take forever and be pretty boring to you readers, so I found some of the best photos that Aunt Lara took and decided to share them with you.

I want to give a very special thanks to everyone who came and shared Bentley's big day with him and everyone who gave him presents, I appreciate everything that everyone does and has done for both of us and WE LOVE YOU!!

Mommy&B

Day 5 February 18, 2012

Cake decorating completely consumed the day today. It is literally ALL we did. I swear it will be a long time before I help do that again! We made a 2 tier square cake that was cow print on the bottom and red bandana on the top. Then we made a small circle cow print cake for Bentley to eat. First we had to bake the cakes, which took all afternoon on Friday and then we had to make butter cream and crumb coat all the cakes. After they were cooled, we made fondant which is extremely difficult to knead and roll into a thin sheet. After the fondant was on came the most unbearable part; decorating the bandana tier. Tiny little paisleys everywhere with squiggly lines and little holes...oh it was crazy. The cow print part was really cool though because it was easy and looked so awesome. The finished product was great. I was really impressed with Becky's handy work and I couldn't have asked for a better first birthday cake for Bentley. Despite all the complaining it seems I just did, I had a blast spending the day with the Wrays decorating that cake. It will always be a great memory

Mommy&B

Day 4 February 17, 2012

Today Bentley and I went out to eat at a local deli called Tune Time Deli here in Kinsley. He had a great time there. The owner is a big people person. She is very nice and is always good to her customers. She gave Bentley a free balloon and he loved it. He played with it all day. We went out to my bosses' house afterward to start on Bentley's birthday cake for the big party on Sunday. I still can't believe he is already a year old! I am so excited for this. His party is little cowboy themed. It is going to have cow print balloons, table covers, napkins, and even cake! We have been planning it for over a month I think. There will be more on his party and the birthday cake later, but I want to talk a little bit about my bosses, the Wrays. They have taken me in and welcomed me into their house on multiple occasions. It is like I am part of their family. It is so nice to have that kind of relationship with your employers. I am so lucky to have the job I have. I am always happy to go to work and happy to see them. I can always talk to Becky about almost anything and that has always really helped me. I had no idea when I applied for this job how great of a relationship I would have with them. I need to get into the habit of appreciating the good things I have in my life instead of being negative about the bad things. I really do have a lot of good things in my life if I really stop to think about it, and from now on that's all I'm going to focus on.

Mommy&B

I thought I'd let you take a look at Bentley and my weekday morning routine. It starts off at 6:30, sometimes 6:45 if I don't feel like getting out of bed. While I'm getting ready for work, Bentley is usually looking a little something like the picture at top left. Then when I am ready to go, I wake B up and get him ready for the babysitter. Then at 7:30 you can usually spot my duct-taped car on Hwy 50 headed east. We always look a little something like the picture at top right. You may be wondering why I have such a pissed-off look, and I get that all the time. My mom says that everyone in Mankato says I look pissed off when I drive by. I don't know why this is just the permanent look on my face when I'm driving...unless I'm singing along with the radio. Bentley is almost always happy though in the morning and sometimes he dances along with the radio while I sing. It's pretty cute. Well that is a little sneak-peek into our mornings; it's not much but I thought it'd be fun to share. Mommy&B

Day 3 February 16, 2012

HOME They say home is where the heart is. Well I'm not so sure about that. I think right now my heart would rather be three doors down. In fact, there are plenty of places my heart would rather be. A couple days ago, I would have taken Bentley and all my possessions and moved where ever anyone would take me just so we weren't alone. This is definitely something I need to work on. I'm NOT alone. I have Bentley and where we are now IS our home. I've been here in my house for almost three months, but I never really got the chance to make it a home. I didn't give myself the chance. When we moved in I was getting to know this amazing guy. He turned out to be everything I ever wanted in a man and more. It didn't take long at all for me to fall for him, but falling is what I do best I hear. So I always had him with me at my house or even more often we were at his...three doors down. Our relationship was by far the shortest I'd ever had, but at the same time it was the most important I've ever had. Now that we aren't together anymore I've been trying to turn my house into a home, but when you are so sad it's hard to do anything. I'm getting better though. I'm getting there. I've done projects, hung my photos and art, and rearranged furniture. One day at a time our house is becoming a home. That's what Bentley needs most, not some shell of a mother who can't get off the couch. I am going to create an amazing environment of awesomeness as my new "friend", Steph says. And someday, I will be so glad I started this incredible year. I will be able to tell Bentley about it, and he will be glad, too.

Mommy&B

I hope this video turns out. It was so cute I had to share. This is right after he was done eating and he was playing with his bottle and kept dropping it. I refused to keep picking up his bottle so this is what he decided to do. Mommy&B

Day 2 February 15, 2012

Bentley and I took a trip to the library today. It was his first time in a library. I've been trying to find things to do to occupy our time. I hate just sitting around even though Bentley can find entertainment playing with just about anything. Since I'm new to this town and don't really have an abundance of friends just dying to hang out with me, I've found it difficult to keep myself entertained.

A lot of our trip to the library was for me. I get lonely and bored very easily. There is no cable or Internet at my house because I can't afford the extra bills so I have to find free entertainment to keep me occupied otherwise I am in bed by 8:00 when Bentley goes to sleep!

So I applied for a library card and checked out a James Patterson book. Right now it is imperative that I stay away from love or romance stories. They make me sad. :(

But Bentley liked the library. He was a mess, though. I had to follow him around cleaning up the debris in his wake. At this library, they have a kids' room complete with a reading tent! Bentley thought that was pretty cool, but I had to wonder when the last time the cushions had been washed was. He is pictured above sitting in the tent.

I plan to spend a good amount of time here over the next year. I think it's time I spend my free time doing things that are beneficial to me, not harmful. I think I need to get Bentley a leash, though!

Mommy&B

I LOVE taking photos of my son. Sometimes it is so easy to get good shots, and other times it is very difficult, especially in this cold weather. I don't get very good lighting in my house. :( These are a couple photos from about a month ago.

Bentley had just gotten his first haircut. He was looking so much older! I was sad when all his little baby hair had to go, but it started to look like a mullet so it was time. In these pictures he is wearing his new jeans from his Uncle Chanse and Aunt Samantha. He learned to walk at 10 months old. He learned so quickly. He is playing in front of our house, or I should say half-house (it's a very small duplex). I wish he could play outside all year round without freezing his little baby butt off so I could take pictures of him everyday.

I love Bentley's simplicity. I love his ability to find entertainment in nothing at all. That is one of the many reasons I love being Mommy.

Mommy&B