Bentley just had his first birthday. February 13th, 2012. I remember how excited I was to hold him. My water broke on February 12th close to midnight. Bentley's father, Sean and I were watching Paranormal Activity II when it broke. I firmly believe that it broke when all those cabinets opened up at once!

I was so anxious. I was excited and scared at the same time. I couldn't believe it was finally time. My sister-in-law, Samantha, stayed with me the entire time. She was a life-saver because Sean didn't really have a clue what he was supposed to be doing. We never got that far in our prenatal classes. Bentley was a week ahead of schedule.

I had my heart set on a vaginal birth. Plenty of women fantasize about this incredible day, but sometimes things don't go as planned. Bentley was fine, this was all me and it killed me. I had to have a C-Section and following the delivery of that news I had to also have a full blown attack of emotions while in labor. I couldn't stop crying which made everything hurt SO much more. Even after the epidural I still cried.

No one really ever realizes that when you have your heart set on a certain birth plan and it doesn't go that way it is like a princess getting married at the courthouse. And let me tell you, it hurts. And no one says it's OK to be sad. But he was here, he changed my life with his first breath. He is the most important person in my life.

Now a year later I'm ashamed to say that sometimes I lose sight of that fact. That is the reason for this blog. Bentley is the center of my world now and forever. This is all for him.

Mommy&B